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Trap 1: The Sunken Garden Indie Music Gambit (For Dylan Ryder)
- The Setup: Wait for a UP Fair night featuring an obscure singer-songwriter or a shoegaze band. Do not go during the main pop act.
- The Bait: Wear a thrifted band tee (The Smiths, preferably). Carry a cheap notebook with “poetry” scribbled inside. Position yourself near the sound booth, looking deliberately lost in thought, not at your phone.
- The Execution: When Dylan wanders near (he will, seeking “authentic” noise), “accidentally” let a line from your notebook fall open: “The geography of your silence maps a country I cannot invade.” If he scoffs, you’ve hooked him. Say, “It’s about the privatization of emotion under late capitalism.” His eyes will widen. Then, offer him a sip of your generic mineral water (not alcohol—too conventional). The final trap: ask him to explain the difference between Sartre’s bad faith and Kierkegaard’s leap of faith. When he stumbles, smile gently and say, “It’s okay. Not everyone gets it.” He will spend the rest of the night trying to prove himself to you.
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